Chris Brown – SIT DOWN!

Calling bullshit on thug behavior...Press button to accept

C’mere kiddo. Have a seat. I’d invite you to have a drink, but since you’re not old enough to drink, I’ll bring you a nice glass of Tang.

Since I’m old enough to be your mother, I’m going to give you a talkin’ to. It’s been almost three weeks since I could turn on the radio and NOT hear about your inexcusable bullshit antics.

So welcome to RedheadedFury. You’re the feature fucking attraction of the week.

First and foremost: a question. Which woman would you like to date?

This one?

Or this one?

I’m gonna guess it’s the FIRST photo. The girl in the first photo is hot and hawt. Talented as the day is long, young and lovely. She’s all over my iPod telling me to “Shut Up and Drive” and that she’s got a case of “Disturbia.”

It’s fucking pathetic that she’s having to send out her own “SOS” because…for some reason…you (allegedly) felt entitled to lay into her.

I’ve addressed this issue on RedheadedFury before in a post called (coincidentally) “Entitled.” And it blows my mind that it keeps coming up.

So, you had a hit when you were 16 back in 2005. You can dance. You’ve got a voice. That also makes you 19 years old. It also means I could have shat you out of my womb at about the same age you apparently got all starstruck and that big-ass head of yours started filling-up with ideas that it’s gonna be OK to push people around.

Now, you just sit there and drink your Tang, because I’m not even close to being done with you.

You’re telling me that, having lived a life where you pissed your bed because of the abuse your mother endured at the hands of a violent boyfriend, you think it’s OK to treat a woman like this? If you can tell me what you said in the interview for the article above about how you feel women should be treated, I’ll give you a Lunchable and send you off to Thug School.

What? You don’t recall, yo? Well, no Lunchable for you and here it is:

“It affected me, especially (my behaviour) towards women – I treat them differently. I don’t want to put a woman through the same thing that person put my mom through. I was scared and timid when I was little. I used to pee in my bed… I think it was me being nervous, and scared to get up (out of bed) and see what was going on. My mom used to try and hide it from me and my sister, but we knew. Anybody that’s going through it, just try to deal with it, talk it out.”  Chris Brown, 11/26/2007, ContactMusic.com

Yeah, talk it out, Chris. Let me talk it out for you.

As a woman who’s been grabbed around the neck and held up against a wall by a man who said he loved her, I think I’m entitled to talk this out with you. That incident was twelve years ago and I still have the broken blood vessels on my neck that, while probably too light for anyone else to notice, I spend time covering-up every goddamn day. Because I’m embarrassed. Embarrassed I made such a poor decision in my life to place myself in that kind of situation. I’m not looking for sympathy or playing woe-is-fucking-me, but I’m telling you – that shit leaves scars. Mental, physical and a myriad of other ways I’m too riled-up to count.

So, here’s the soup, kiddo – and you are a kid. You’re a child who didn’t get his way, got angry and felt that the only remaining way to express yourself was to (allegedly) fuck-up what you said you loved: a woman. And PEOPLE Magazine reports today that you two lovebirds are back together once again. I almost drove off the road and slammed my head into the steering wheel, son. It’s really nice of you to wait for three weeks so “your love” got her hot looks back after you (allegedly) rearranged her face. I’m sure it’ll be much easier to be “reflective and saddened about what happened” since you don’t have to see your hot-ass girlfriend’s face all scabby and swollen. I’m officially awarding you five Douchebag Points for “convenient timing.”

I can’t even fathom what’s going through your (cough) girlfriend’s mind at this point. What I can fathom is that she’s going to eventually realize you’re a douchy little thug and that she’s got waaaaay too much goin’ on (from head to toe, yo) to even entertain an “I’m sorry, baby” from you. She’ll realize that you did it once, which means you’re likely to do it again. I’ll wait with bated breath for the day I read the story in PEOPLE that she’s left your sorry ass and gotten on with her life, realizing that she can, indeed LIVE WITHOUT YOU. She’ll forgive herself, learn from her mistakes, and emerge a better person in spite of your “love.”

Are you finished with your Tang yet, dear? Because if not, I’m going to take the rest of it and pour it down your pants so you can remember how it felt to piss yourself when that guy was beating the shit out of your mom when you were a kid. Remember pissing your bed, kiddo? Pretty humiliating. I’ll bet you didn’t piss yourself when you were (allegedly) giving the woman you love what she “deserved.” Imagine how humiliated she felt with her police escorts at the Cedars-Sinai emergency room.

I hope you enjoy sitting there in your Tang piss, kiddo.  You’re allegedly a domestic abuser and there are some pretty glaring photos (above) and news reports (here, here and here) to back it up. There’s nothing alleged, however, about what I think about your sorry little thug self. I’m happy to say that I’ll never, ever, place myself in a position where I’m held up against a wall again. The best I can hope for you at this point is some guy in prison makes you his bitch and shows you what “against your will” up against a wall feels like. Then you can use @MrStrider ’s new hash tag from your Twitter account: #fuckedupday.

Now – go to your room.